I hear you’ve been tracing your ancestors on the internet… Yes – and it’s a mammoth task!

I hope you’re not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn’t get any exercise. Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I’ve changed my mind. Let’s hope your new one works better then the one you had before.

I use the internet to tell me what the weather’s like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it’s raining!

Since you’ve discovered the Internet, you don’t pay any attention to me! Who said that?

So what exactly can I learn on the Internet? Anything you like – it can even teach you to talk like an Indian. How? See? It’s working already.

Teacher: Don’t forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions. Pupil: It’s not the questions I have trouble with, it’s the answers.

Teacher: What are the four elements? Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet? Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I’m on the Net, I’m in my element.

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet? Anything you like, they’re not listening to you anyway.

Where does the Internet football team play? Webley.