Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?

Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son’s shirts, so she had his name legally changed to “Machine Washable”?

How come youre only watering half your lawn? a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident. “I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain.”

Did you hear about the Montana moron who went looking for a gas leak with a safety match?

Did you hear about the Murfreesboro muddlebrain whose father told him about the birds and the bees? The next day, the Tennessean was stung by a bee and thought he was pregnant.

How do Alaska CB radio operators say “10-4″? “5-5-2-2.”

Treadwell walked into a Biloxi stationery store and asked, “Have you got any invisible ink?” “Certainly sir,” said the owner. “What color?”

The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five. The youngster proceeded to count to five on his fingers. Then the teacher asked, “Can you count any higher?” The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five again.

Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees. They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Kowalski finally said, “Janzek, I’m takin’ the next tree we come to, whether it has lights on it or not!”

Did you hear about the hillbilly who asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs. He wanted to start a dark room.