This morning I felt that today was going to be my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket, there were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the seven o’clock race – so I backed the seventh. Did it win? …

What’s the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.

Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate nine.

What runs all day but never gets tired? Water.

Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden have in common? A. They both look out their caves and see rubble.

So the bus driver said to the string, “Are you a string?” and the string said, “No, I’m afraid not”. (A frayed knot).

Q: Why couldn’t the animals on Noah’s Ark play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the deck!

Q. What’s te definition of a bachelor pad? A. All the house plants are dead, but there’s something growing in the refrigerator.

Q. What did Snow white say when her photos didn’t come back from the photo store? A. “Some day my prints will come!”

Q: Why did the haunted house not like rain? A: Because it dampened his spirits.