Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ? Because they didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train !

You’ve failed history again ! Well you always told me to let bygones be bygones !

Why are oranges like bells? You can peel (peal) both of them.

How can you make a soup rich? Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.

What could you do if you were on a desert island without food or water? Open your watch: drink from the spring, and eat the sand which is (sandwiches) there.

If there were no food left, what could people do? Country people could eat their forest preserves and city people could have their traffic jams.

What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink ? Gravi-tea !

WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. HUSBAND: Which is this?

WIFE: “You look tired, honey. How about a nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for dessert?” HUSBAND: “No thanks. I’m too tired. Let’s just eat at home.”

Several women were discussing what they should have for dinner. “If you’re watching your weight,” came one suggestion, “those diet frozen dinners are good.” The man then added: “But get two. They’re small.”