Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.

They say she has a sharp tongue. Yes, she can slice bread with it.

Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread? No. Oh, crumbs.

Why can’t you make bread like my mother? I would if you could make dough like your father!

What looks just like half a loaf of bread? Its other half.

Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are we running so fast?” asked one. “Because,” said the second, “it says ‘tear along the dotted line’!”

What do cannibals eat for breakfast? Buttered host.

How do you know that a elephant’s been in the fridge? There are foot prints in the butter. “

And what’s your name?” the secretary asked the next new boy. “Butter.” “I hope your first name’s not Roland,” smirked the secretary. “No, ma’am. It’s Brendan.”

Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.