What cheese is made backwards? Edam.

Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake…

Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why? Fred: I don’t know. It must have been so dark I didn’t see the other one.

I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking. What did he say? He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate. Did that do any good? No – I can’t get the chocolate …

Boy: What’s black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don’t worry about what’s in the tin.

Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more, mom. It’s empty.

What’s the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can’t dip a vampire in your tea.

Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!

How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.

At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy’s ear. “There!” he said proudly. “I bet your Mum can’t produce eggs without hens, can she?” “Oh yes, she can,” said the boy. “She keeps ducks.”