You’re supposed to wait ’til you get married, get you a nice little ring on your finger — a nice rock, or a pebble if he cheap, but preferably a rock. Now, come on, girls, say it with me, ‘No ring, no ding-a-ling.’ Come on, now — ‘No rock, no …

I want me a big black girl… the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it’s got tinted windows.

I want me a big black girl…. type of woman that lies in the bed, looks like a big old hole in the sheets.

I got in this elevator earlier, and I ended up standing next to this woman who smelled just like my ex-girlfriend, the same perfume or something. It’s neat how an aroma can make you think of something else. So, I’m strangling this woman….

We were dating two years. We broke up. It was a mutual decision. Her and all her friends got together — they took a little vote.

This may save you some pain and some time. If you ever go out with someone who says this to you, ‘I don’t know why I’m not in a relationship; I have so much love to give,’ you should just know that what this really means is, ‘I am the …

Far cry from when our parents got married, huh?… Probably the first time they had sex was on their honeymoon. Boy, times have changed. Not only have I had sex with my boyfriend, so have some of my girlfriends.

If a guy tells you that he’s a jerk, you should probably listen. ‘Cause they tell you right off the bat, don’t they girls? ‘Listen, I’m a jerk. I’m no good for you.’ What happens to us? We turn into a little kid: ‘La-la-la-la! I can’t hear you!’

Dave’s wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday.The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave! How are ya?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” …

Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they’re normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you? They start yelling, ‘Untie me!’