Student: “Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?” Computer Teacher: “In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I don’t think we could do that.”

Tech Support: “How may I help you today, sir?” Customer: “Hello…hey, er…I think I’ve got the wrong software installed in my computer.” Tech Support: “Why is that, sir?” Customer: “I bought this minitower system from you, and it came loaded with software called the ‘XYZ Desktop’.” Tech Support: “Yes…?” Customer: …

Me: “What is that noise?” Customer: “Hey Martinez!! I’m on the phone! Cut it out!” Me: “What was that?” Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Customer: “It’s from a device.” Me: “What kind of device?” Customer: “I don’t know.” Me: “Like a fax machine or something?” Customer: “I don’t know. …

Customer: “My disk is stuck in my disk drive. Clicking eject doesn’t work.” Tech Support: “Ok, turn the power to your Mac off, hold down the mouse clicker, and power the Mac back up.” Customer: “Look, I don’t have three hands!”

Customer: “Hi, I’m supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?”

Customer: “I’ve been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program so we could do it automatically — but there’s a bug in it. The answers come out differently each time.” Tech Support: “Sir, are you aware that our program uses Monte-Carlo analysis?” Customer: …

Customer: “Wait, that password looks really gray. I’m going to type it in again.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me I have call waiting?” Tech Support: “Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call waiting.” Customer: “Well, you should ask everybody!” Tech Support: “Do you have call waiting?” Customer: “What’s that?”

Customer: “It says I’ve performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done something wrong?”

Tech Support: “Which format are the images you send?” Customer: “Rectangular, 15×11 centimeters.”