I wouldn’t say Christmas gnomes are ugly, But if beauty’s skin deep then they were was born inside out!

I wouldn’t say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed, but when they cry the tears run down their back!

What do gnomes fear most about Christmas? They’re afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!

Father Christmas: How do I stop a Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge? Gnome : Put a five pound note between his teeth and stick his head over the side of the sledge.

What song do Father Christmas’ gnomes sing to him when he comes home cold on Christmas night? Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What’s a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ? A phantomime !

Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream? Lady: You certainly did! Father Christmas: Oh good! That means I’m back in the right row!

Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket. Box office attendant: Then you’d better watch out… there’s a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets.

Father Christmas: What’s your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean ‘Ghoul-di-locks’!

Father Christmas:I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to Granny. Elf: That’s Little Red Robin Hood’!