Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said,’ Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father’s the one who dug the hole for it. Bill wasn’t impressed, ‘ Well, that’s nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father’s the one who killed it …

Young Jimmy was having a snack after school with his Gran. ‘ Would you like another cookie ?’ she asked. ‘Yes, please,’ replied Jimmy. ‘What good manners you have,’ said his Gran. ‘ I do like to hear young people say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. ‘I’ll say them both if …

Mum: Haven’t you finished filling the salt shaker yet ? Son: Not yet. It’s really hard to get the salt through all those little holes !

‘Why are you crying, Ted ?’ asked his mum. ‘Because my new sneakers hurt. ‘That’s because you have put them on the wrong feet. ‘But they are the only feet I have.

Ben’s dad was building a pine bookshelf and Ben was watching and occasionally helping. ‘ What are the holes for ?’ Ben asked. ‘They’re knot holes,’ said his dad. ‘What are they, then, if they’re not holes ?’ asked Ben.

Dick and Jane were arguing furiously over the breakfast table. ‘ Oh you’re so stupid! shouted Dick. ‘Dick! said their father, ‘that’s quite enough of that! Now say you’re sorry. ‘OK,’ said Dick. ‘Jane, I’m sorry you’re stupid.

Mum: How can you practice your trumpet and listen to the radio at the same time ? Son: Easy. I have two ears!

‘William, I’ve been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door,’ said mum. ‘yes, but they’re twins, so I wanted some way to tell the apart.

Eddie’s father called up to him, ‘Eddie, if you don’t stop playing that trumpet I think I’ll go crazy! Eddy replied, ‘I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.

George knocked on the door of his friend’s house. When his friend’s mother answered he asked, ‘can Albert come out to play?’ ‘No, said the mother, ‘it’s too cold. ‘Well, then,’ said George, ‘ can his football come out to play ?’