What’s the difference between a schoolteacher and a train driver? A schoolteacher says, “Spit out that toffee” and a train says, “Choo, choo.”

Which snakes are found on cars? Windscreen vipers.

Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free, but underneath it’s covered with rust Dealer: Yes, sir. The car is rust-free. We didn’t charge you for it, did we?

Motorist: Does a deer have a horn? Police Officer: No, a deer has two horns. Motorist: Then it must have been a car that ran over my uncle.

Police Officer: Why are you driving in a bathing suit? Motorist: I’m in a car pool.

Police Officer: Why were you speeding? Women Driver: I was late for traffic school.

Policeman: Are you going to a fire? Motorist: No, I’m trying to prevent one. That’s what my boss said would happen if I were late again.

Policeman: Did you realize you just missed that bus with your car? Motorist: Did you want me to hit it?

Policeman: Didn’t you hear me whistle at you? Woman Driver: Sure, but I don’t flirt when I drive.

Policeman: Didn’t you hear my siren? Motorist: Sure, that’s why I sped up.