What’s the difference between a bus driver and a cold? A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.

A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man’s supper and began whining and jumping up at him. “Do you mind if I throw him a bit?” said …

Teacher: Tommy Russell, you’re late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It’s my bus – it’s always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it’s late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.

How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar? Throw it under a bus.

Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York? Driver: Which part? Passenger: All of me, of course!

As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, ‘What on earth did you do that for?’ ‘I wanted to know if …

When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs? I prefer to ride on top, but it’s very hard getting the horse up the stairs.

A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. There’s no room,’ they said. ‘It’s full up! ‘But you must let me on! shouted the man. ‘Why, what’s so special about you?’ they asked. I’m the driver,’ replied the man.

Why did the bus stop? Because it saw the zebra crossing.

What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head? Dead.