Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There’s an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!

Sam left work after a tiring day. ‘Take the bus home,’ suggested a friend. ‘My mother would only make me take it back,’ Sam said.

Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn’t hurt yourself? Yes – I was trying to get to the back of the bus.

Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect we’ll pick up speed now you’re getting off!

Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they’re stopping to let the passengers off.

What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!

Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes. No, they don’t. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.

Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn’t there’ll be a very big splash.

Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not, on my salary!

‘Is everyone in the bus?’ asked the driver before he closed the door. ‘No,’ called a lady, ‘wait until I get my clothes on. All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.