I was gonna do that mail order bride thing. You don’t know, because if you ain’t home and your neighbor signs for her, she’s out there mowing his lawn.
Přečíst celý »Roční archivy: 2016
Rejection Education
After an hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy finally approaches the hot girl at the end of the bar. “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”She yells, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight, you pig!”Everyone in the bar stops and stares. …
Přečíst celý »Redneck Divorce
Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
Přečíst celý »Ralph Harris: Marriage Is an Institution
Marriage is an institution. You know, it’s a commitment. And you don’t get to leave an institution, especially once you’re committed.
Přečíst celý »Quinn Dahle: Five Minutes Straight
Guys, you ever come home after drinking beer all night, and you start peeing for like five minutes straight, and your girlfriend’s like, ‘Oh my God, get out of bed!’
Přečíst celý »Prison Mail
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: “Dear wife, whatever you do, do …
Přečíst celý »Princess and Frog
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle.The frog hops into the princess’ lap and says, “My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up …
Přečíst celý »Peter Berman: Why Men Don’t Communicate
Women think that men know how to communicate because when we meet you and start dating you, we talk a lot. Do you want to know why? Because we’re trying to sleep with you. That’s why. But we use all that up right away. That’s why, after a month, we’re …
Přečíst celý »Peter Berman: Sleeping Close
When you’re first in love, you cannot sleep close enough to that person you’re in love with. At the beginning of the relationship, you’re like, ‘Come here, honey. Let’s stay like this forever.’ A short five years later, my wife is laying on my arm for 10 seconds too long, …
Přečíst celý »Peter Berman: Not “The One”
I went out with the one that wasn’t ‘the one’ for five years. Get this, I wanted to break up with her after three months, but I didn’t. You want to know why? Because I’m a pussy, that’s why. I didn’t want to hurt her. I just wanted to ruin …
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