How would you like to be Michael Jackson’s kid? I was embarrassed because my dad wore black socks with shorts. Imagine that freak following you around the mall — you’re just trying to fit in; he zips by in a jetpack, dressed like Shirley Temple.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, smaller fat women orbit around her.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, she makes the mice scream and jump up on chairs.

I have nothing against the Catholic Church. I hate and avoid Catholic people, but I have nothing against the Catholic Church.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she trims her nose hair with a weed whacker.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, Yo’ Daddy first met her at the pound.

Hoboken — lovely town, often called ‘the Tennessee of New Jersey,’ I believe.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she tried boarding Noah’s ark, Noah yelled out the window, “We only need one of those.”

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, when she looks up, it starts to rain.

Q: Did you hear why Rosie O’Donnell got arrested?A: Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack.