Q: Why did the skeleton burp? A: It didn’t have the guts to fart.

Now what I don’t get are these people who, instead of buying a four-pack or an eight-pack of toilet paper, they buy the single individual roll. Are you trying to quit?

What’s the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

I’ve got a wedding I’ve got to go to next week, and I was trying to lose six pounds by the weekend. I don’t think I’m going to do it, so I’m going to get my back waxed, and then, I’ll only have to lose two.

Q: What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli? A: Kids don’t eat broccoli.

Sure, she may be a little lacking in conversation skills, but that’s OK. Unlike you, she doesn’t need to explain why she still wets herself, then falls asleep on our floor.

I love little children, but they are like pinatas full of urine.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? A: Well hung.

Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection?A: A whopper with cheese.

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it’s a beaver, Johnny.” The next day the same thing happens, only his …