Q: What do you call two banana peels? A: A pair of slippers.

Q: Where do one-legged people eat? A: IHOP.

There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The first muffin looked at the second muffin and said, “Man, it’s getting hot in here!” Then the second muffin looked at the first muffin. “Oh my God! A talking muffin!”

I have unfortunately developed a medical condition. I don’t know if any of you people have ever heard of it, it’s called ‘office ass.’ You get it from sitting on your ass and eating M&Ms all day. It’s at a pretty advanced stage right now. So, I looked in our …

I’ve been on a diet. I’m on that Slim-Fast thing now. I had seven of them today, so I feel really good.

There are some people that are not fun people to go out and eat with. There’s a type of person, wherever you go out, they want a bite of whatever you have. You know who you are. And they always lie, like, ‘What is that? I’ve never had that before. …

I went to a fashion show. Models are wearing $10,000 worth of stuff, $15,000 shoes — and mad! You know why they mad? Because they hungry, that’s why.

You want to have a little fun? Go to a fashion show and throw a cookie on stage and watch them.

A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.“I’ll have your biggest, juiciest steak,” says the husband.“But sir, what about the mad cow?” asks the waiter.“Oh,” says the husband, “she’ll order for herself.”

I like to go to fast food restaurants and order stuff they don’t have. Got to try that. Go to Burger King or something — ‘Hey, Burger King! Have it my way, huh? Woo! Look at that menu… Ah, let me have the catfish dinner with brussel sprouts, two biscuits …