Q: What kind of dog hears voices? A: A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic.

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, “Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that’s going around?” The other cow answers, “Yeah, makes you glad you’re a penguin, doesn’t it?”

Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself.Jeremy says, “Man, I wish I could do that!”Kris replies, “I think you’d have to pet him first.”

What happened to the blind skunk? He fell in love with a fart.

A reporter goes to the hills of West Virginia to research an article about the area. He meets an old man and asks him about memorable moments in his life.“Well,” says the old man, “one time my favorite sheep got lost. Me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went …

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?A: Lean beef.

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?” “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” …

Little Johnny’s first grade class was playing “Name That Animal.” The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, “What animal is this?”“A cat!” said Suzy.“Good job. Now, what’s this animal?”“A dog!” said Ricky.“Good. Now what animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.The …

Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?” His mother replies, “The stork brings them.” Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, “Then who fucks the stork?”

If I were eight years old, that would be my ultimate fantasy — to have my very own paralyzed dog. ‘Cause, you know, your stuffed animals — they’re cute and fluffy, but they’re not alive.