Q: How do you catch a polar bear? A: You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Q: Why did the cat go to the hospital? A: To have a CAT scan done.

When my last girlfriend wanted to get a little serious, I had to use the old wild stallion technique to get her back in. I said, ‘Baby, I’m like a wild stallion. You try to put a saddle on a wild stallion, he’ll run and he’ll run and run some …

Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? A: Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, “Not until you feed the animals.”The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, “I don’t feel like feeding you today.” So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig. The boy goes back into …

Q: What is the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield? A: Its ass.

You guys familiar with Elliot’s Peripheral Extrapolation Theorem? That’s the one that states that depending on the size of an enclosure, i.e. an aquarium or terrarium, that the animal, i.e. fish or lizard, that you put in that area will grow depending on the size and the room it has …

Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart? A: “Cheap, cheap!”

I went hunting for the first time. I shot an elk. I felt really bad at first, but the guy was wearing a plaid leisure suit.

A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.The farmer said, “That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw.”“So why does he have a wooden leg?” the tourist asked.“One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all …