Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. “Cover me. I’m going in.”

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a prostitute?A: A f**king know-it-all.

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he …

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first …

That’s not seltzer in my pants, and I am happy to see you. Honk honk!

Can my dancing poodles watch? Honk honk!

Wanna throw your pie in my face? Honk honk!

If you squeeze my horn, I’ll make a noise. Honk honk!

You know what they say about big feet! Honk honk!

Would you and 50 of your hot friends like to join me in my tiny car? Honk honk!