They say black makes you look thinner. Ladies know that secret, right? I think it’s true ’cause I always see fat white women with black boyfriends.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, her senior photo is an aerial shot.

I went into the store the other day — and have you ever seen those thong panty liners? I saw those. I thought, that is so genius. Like, why didn’t someone think of that a long time ago? ‘Cause I know when it’s that time of the month for me, …

I don’t know why you ladies complain about nasty lingerie. It never stays on that long.

I was watching this thing the other day on hermaphrodites. And I was always under the impression that there were only maybe, like, a handful of them… but there are tons of them. They’re everywhere, which makes me a lot more skeptical when I see guys buying tampons.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, “One at a time, please.”

My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She’s a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she stepped on a scale, and it said, “Please step out of the car.”

Here’s a little drinking tip for you ladies: if you’re gonna drink, drink Jack Daniels. Ladies, you spend far too much money on cosmetics. For $12 bucks, you can have a man with a bottle of Jack going, ‘God, you’re beautiful.’

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she eats her cereal out of a satellite dish.