A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns. The brunette makes it …

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A. You can park in the handicap zone.

Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

How does the vicar explore the Internet? With the church mouse.

I hear you’ve been tracing your ancestors on the internet… Yes – and it’s a mammoth task!

I hope you’re not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn’t get any exercise. Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I’ve changed my mind. Let’s hope your new one works better then the one you had before.

I use the internet to tell me what the weather’s like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it’s raining!

Since you’ve discovered the Internet, you don’t pay any attention to me! Who said that?

So what exactly can I learn on the Internet? Anything you like – it can even teach you to talk like an Indian. How? See? It’s working already.