Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places? Vanderkron: I wouldn’t go to these places no more!

Can you read Chinese? “Yes, but only when it’s printed in English.”

Hatton: I ain’t as dumb as I look! Folsom: You couldn’t be!

Did you hear about the rookie Rhode Island cop who gave out twenty-two parking tickets before he found out he was at a drive-in movie?

Hoot: How the hell can ya be so stupid? Jessie: Well, it ain’t somethin’ yew can pick up overnight.

Holton sat down in a Green Bay restaurant and said to the waitress, “Do you know whether the milk from this dairy is pasteurized?” “Sure is!” she answered. “Every morning they turn the cows out to pasture.”

Did you hear about the dimwit who went to visit his girlfriend and found she didn’t have very much on? He went back nine months later and she had a little moron.

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty? Four guys watching a baseball game.

Young Bradley arrived at his date’s house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it. “What’re you doin’?” asked his girlfriend. “How come your shirt is soakin’ wet?” “Well,” said Bradley, “it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR.”

Calvin went to Pearson’s Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn’t sing. “File the beak just a little,” said the owner, “and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die.” Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked …