Oh man, I get a lot of junk email. Isn’t it annoying? Clutters everything up. I’m starting to sense a theme, though. Apparently, there’s a lot of people out there that want to make my penis three inches longer.

You’ll be so fat after Thanksgiving your scale will read “Game Over.”

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

They’re having trouble now where women are beating up their husbands. Did you hear about that? It’s gotten so bad that they even have a shelter for the men that get beat up. It’s called ‘Bed Bath and Beyond.’

You’ll be so fat after Thanksgiving, instead of belly button lint, you’ll find full sweaters.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.

My nephew wanted me to get him some of those pump up basketball shoes, costs $150. I’m sorry, people, but I’m not gonna pay $150 for shoes that I gotta pump that don’t pump back.

You’ll be so fat after Thanksgiving your next Facebook profile pic will have to be an aerial shot.

I know I’m getting older because the things that turn me on have changed. Like, just a few years ago, know what turned me on? Hot Latino men turned me on. Know what turns me on now? You know what turns me on now? People who act reasonably towards me.

You’ll be so fat after Thanksgiving next time you go to a restaurant, instead of a menu, you’ll get an estimate.