Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can’t sleep. Try lying on the edge of your bed…you’ll soon drop off!

Doctor, Doctor I’m scared of Father Christmas Doctor: You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia.

My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it! Doctor: Try this medicine…and if it doesn’t work come back and bring me a new video camera.

I wouldn’t say Christmas gnomes are small. But they used to be lumberjacks on a mushroom farm!

I wouldn’t say Christmas gnomes are ugly, But if beauty’s skin deep then they were was born inside out!

I wouldn’t say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed, but when they cry the tears run down their back!

What do gnomes fear most about Christmas? They’re afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!

Father Christmas: How do I stop a Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge? Gnome : Put a five pound note between his teeth and stick his head over the side of the sledge.

What song do Father Christmas’ gnomes sing to him when he comes home cold on Christmas night? Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What’s a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ? A phantomime !