What sort of a car has your dad got? I can’t remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really – Ours only starts with gas.

A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. “They shouldn’t put up such misleading notices,” said the man. “It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE.”

On Fred’s 17th birthday, his Dad said he’d take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car, the father said, “Just one thing, Fred. If you’re going to hit anything, make sure it’s cheap.”

What is an autobiography? The life story of an automobile.

What is an autograph? A chart which shows car sales.

Learner driver: What happens when everything’s coming your way? Instructor: You’re in the wrong lane.

Take the wheel, Harry! said the nervous lady driver. “There’s a tree coming straight for us!”

A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap into the living room. “How did you manage to do that?” he fumed. “Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!”

You know all that talk about backseat driving? Well, I’ve been driving all my life and can safely say that I’ve never heard a word from the back seat. What kind of car do you drive? A hearse!

My sister’s a really bad driver. What makes you say that? Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she’s run over.