A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, “How was I born?”His mother awkwardly answers, “The stork brought you.”“Oh,” says the boy. “Well, how were you and Daddy born?”“Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma.”The boy begins his paper, “This report has been …

Q: Did you hear about the new Michael Jackson doll?A: You wind it up and it plays with your kids.

See, the rules have changed, men. It’s a different world. I’ve got a mini van. My father never had a minivan. I grew up in the late 60s, early 70s. He had a ’68 Chrysler with vinyl seats, he made a turn — my brother and I were hanging out …

A little boy came home from school one day and told his mother, ”Mom, today I heard some older kids using some words I don’t know the meaning of. Can you tell me what they mean?” ”Sure,” his mother said. ”Just tell me what they are.” The little boy replied, …

As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, “You have any a problem, you come and see Mama.”Later, Marol’s husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, …

I was raised by people that wear lime green polyester pants and white vinyl shoes, and I thought that this was endemic to my race ’til I saw a black man wearing red polyester pants and white vinyl shoes. Then I realized — bad taste knows no color barrier.

A father and son were on a fishing trip when the dad pulled out a beer.“Can I have one, Dad?”“Can your d**k touch your a**hole?”“No.”“Then you can’t have one.” The dad took out a cigarette.“Dad, can I smoke one, too?”“Can your d**k touch your a**hole?”“No.”“Then you can’t have one.”On the …

I believe in capital punishment, and since I was a former teacher, I believe in starting it at the eighth grade level.

What is green and yellow and lies in a pile of cookie crumbs? A beat-up girl scout.

I called up and said, ‘Mom, a bum yelled at me on the street and said something horrible to me.’ You know what she says to me? ‘Write the bum a letter. Tell the bum how you feel. Get all the rage out, Jessie. But don’t send it, it’s for …