One time when I was feeding the squirrels, I happened to catch sight of two rats who were looking on with obvious envy, and it hit me how resentful it must make rats, knowing that they’re just a bushy tail away from being hand fed in the park.
Přečíst celý »Jeff Altman: Wish I Could Do That
I look down, I see this big dog sitting there licking himself, like dogs do. I turn to my friend, I say, ‘I wish I could do that.’ He said, ‘Go over and pet him, maybe he’ll let you.’
Přečíst celý »Jeff Altman: Confused About Bush
I might vote for Bush. I’m confused. My dog is not confused; he sees a bush, he knows exactly what to do.
Přečíst celý »Janine DiTullio: While They’re Away
Promised some people this week that I would water their plants and take care of their animals while they want on vacation. Bad idea — the people are farmers.
Přečíst celý »It’s What’s For Dinner
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
Přečíst celý »It’s Not For Him, Stupid
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.”
Přečíst celý »Inky Pig
Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because it came out of the pen.
Přečíst celý »I’m Very Bullish On Milk
A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he’s just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. …
Přečíst celý »I Think I’m a Moth
A guy walks into a dentist’s office and says, “I think I’m a moth.” The dentist replies “You shouldn’t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist…” The guys replies, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.” The dentist says, “Well then what are you doing here?” And the guy says, “Your …
Přečíst celý »Hurt Bee Back
Q: How did the bee hurt his back? A: He fell off his honey.
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