Doppler radar’s picking up a ridge of high pressure… in my pants.

The forecast calls for a wintry mix followed by a warming trend of you in my hot tub.

A man walks up to a stranger in the street. “Do you like pussy cats?” said the stranger. “Yeah, I do,” said the man. “But how did you know my name was ‘Katz?”

Q: Why is a man’s pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell if he’s coming or going.

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, men will screw anything.

I’m just hanging out, minding my own business. He yells from across the room something he thinks is funny. He’s like, ‘What’s the matter, Megan? You don’t have any children because your husband’s got a low sperm count?’… I was like, ‘I don’t know — doesn’t taste like it.’

Now there’s a rack I’d like to be stretched out on.

Want to see a passion play? There’s one being performed in my pants.

Don’t worry, the plague left a few of my parts intact.

Some parts of me are hard even without armor.