I’m skilled in the art of hand evacuation.

I’m gonna need to take a closer look at your D crack.

I need you to adjust my hose bibb.

Confucious say, “Man who stuffs his own sausage pounds his own meat.”

Confucious say, “He who go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with stinky finger.”

Confucious say, ”Baseball wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.”

Confucious say: ”Man with d**k in peanut butter jar is f**king nuts.”

Confucious say, “Is good for girl to meet boy in park but is better for boy to park meat in girl.”

Q: How do you recycle a condom? A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.

A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes of condoms. The store clerk asks the man, “What are you going to do with all of those?” The guy replies, “I taught my dog to swallow them, and now he s**ts in little plastic baggies!”