No, really, I’m more interested in your brain than your body.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, her panty lines look like a road map.

You invite friends to your garage sale because you want them to come over and buy your stuff, so you can go to their house and look at your stuff one more time.

If I said you had a beautiful body, would it be okay if I ate it?

Just read in USA Today, they said that alcohol is the number one reason people go home with ugly people.

Of course you’re nicer than we are, your lives are less stressful. Do you know this? For one thing, what you’re wearing tonight will be in style for the rest of your lives.

I’m 41 now; I’m starting to get gray hair. You can’t really tell, though, ’cause I shave my balls.

Then they’ve got the products for the elderly. Have you seen the recliner that has a cushion that pushes you to your feet? If you can’t get out of a chair, chances are you don’t need to get out.

What the hell is Victoria’s Secret? Please. My guess is that she likes to dress like a slut.

You’re so ugly, Yo’ Mama had to be drunk to breastfeed you.