Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell “Evian” backwards!

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.” The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger …

What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley and Yeast. For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked …

May I take your order? the waiter asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?” “Nothing special sir,” he replied. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Q. What’s worse than finding a worm in the apple you’re eating? A. Finding half a worm.

What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook ? 100 way to wok your dog.

What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.

Why did the grape cross the road? To get away from the grapefruit.