We have to shave our armpits. Whose idea was that? That’s a concave area with a straight razor. Could we invent something? Because the best I can do is a mohawk.

And there’s a reason for this, why men experience pain more acutely than women — that’s because there’s always part of a woman’s brain thinking about shoes.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she hauls ass, she gotta make two trips.

There are even makeup tricks to make your boobs look bigger — like I want to date the idiot that fools.

When guys get their hair cut you have to shave the back of their necks because they grow this, like, fur collar. How far down should you shave? It’s not really polite to go, ‘Where’s the line, Sasquatch?’

What with all the cotton black people picked during slavery, seems like we should be able to walk in the mall, and anything that’s 100% cotton, we ought to get for free.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she went to the amusement park, they gave her a group discount.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she got stuck in the great outdoors.

I have one of these bodies that cracks all the time. I move my neck, it cracks — or my elbow, my back. I don’t care, really. I make money on the side as an exotic dancer for the blind.

You go to a Heavy D concert, you will leave satisfied. But you’ll be leaving in five minutes because Heavy does two songs and he’s tired.