I can’t understand why people say my girlfriend’s legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks – but they certainly don’t match.

What did the really ugly man do for a living ? He posed for Halloween masks !

I don’t think these photographs you’ve taken do me justice. You don’t want justice – you want mercy !

Your ugly. And you’re drunk. Yes, but in the morning I’ll be sober !

My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !

Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing ?’

Monster: I’m so ugly. Ghost: It’s not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.

How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub.

Which villains steal soap from the bath? Robber ducks.

Boy: Dad, dad, there’s a spider in the bath. Dad: What’s wrong with that? You’ve seen spiders before. Boy: Yes, but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!