A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.They both get off …

We didn’t have brakes. If you wanted to slow down, you skated on grass, that’s how you slowed down. If you wanted to stop, you’d head toward a tree.

A man phones his wife’s doctor and says, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asks.

Q: What does a poor boy get for Christmas? A: Your bike.

I was about 14, my dad caught me drinking. I said ‘Dad, that’s the first time.’ He said, ‘That’s a lie — no one ever gets caught the first time.’ So that day, I robbed a bank.

A young boy sits on the edge of the sidewalk, eats some M&Ms, cuts off the back end of a grasshopper, and then moves down the curb. He does this over and over.His mother asks him what he’s doing. He says, “I’m playing trucker. I pop some pills, cut off …

You really wanna know what you look like to other people? Here’s how I found out. Don’t look at a picture of yourself or in the mirror. You really wanna know, have a child draw you.

A little boy brags to a little girl, “I have a big fire engine.” The girl responds, “So what? I have a fire engine, too.” He says, “I have a toy tank.” She replies, “So what? I have a tank, too.” The young boy drops his pants and says, “I …

She proposed to me. How weird is that? It wasn’t thoughtful. It wasn’t romantic. She just came in and said it: ‘Listen, uh — I’m pregnant.’

I just joined the Big Brother program recently. The very first question that lady asked me over the phone was, ‘Well what race do you want him to be?’ So just to mess with her, I said, ‘I don’t care what race he is, just so long as when I …