Animal Jokes

Once there was a group of vampire bats that lived in a cave outside of a big city. One night, one said to a another, “I’m so hungry. I’m going to go get something.” “No don’t! We have to wait for the others!” “I don’t care.” And off he went. …

Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn’t keep his calves together!

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that baby bear was going to live with mama bear. Baby bear started to cry . “Whats wrong?” the judge asked baby bear. “I dont want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!” said baby …

I saw a report on CNN, and the report said the killer bees are coming — the killer bees! But these were killer bees ’cause they were ‘Africanized.’ What are these — hip hop bees?

Q: What has two legs and bleeds?A: Half a cat.

Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? A: If it had four, it would be a sedan.

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn’t been able to sleep because her dog snores too loudly. The doctor told her to tie a ribbon around his balls and he will shutup. The woman goes to her bedroom and sees her dog lieing on the floor snoring. She …

What’s the odd one out? 1) A lobster 2) a whale 3) a guy that’s been hit by a bus? The whale — the other two are both crustaceans.

Two little snakes were hissing near their pit. The mother snake came out and said, ”What are you doing hissing near our pit. If you want to hiss go over to Mrs. Pott’s pit and hiss. The two little snakes went over to Mrs. Pott’s pit to hiss. Mrs. Potts …

Two hedgehogs are in the middle of the road by a zebra crossing. One says, “Don’t cross here!” The other one says, “Why not?” The first one says, “Look what happened to this zebra!”