Animal Jokes

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove that he wasn’t chicken.

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You”ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at …

A traveling salesman is in West Virginia when he comes upon a house with a little boy sitting on the front steps. “Son, is your mother home?” The little boy nods yes. “Can I see her please?” The boy nods again, and they go around to the back of the …

Q: If a cowboy rides into town on Friday, and three days later, he leaves on Friday, how does he do it?A: The horse’s name is Friday.

What do you if you’re trapped inside a whale? Run ’round and ’round till you’re all pooped out!

Q: How do you trap a polar bear? A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the icehole.

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away.Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade.A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone.“Oh no! What has happened to my darling boys?” she …

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood. The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, “Where did you get all that blood from?” The …

Q: How do you know when it is cold outside? A: When your dog’s d**k is frozen to the fire hydrant.

My father was too cheap to take me to the big downtown aquarium. This cheap bastard, he would just take me to the fish market. ‘Look, Tony, there’s the halibut. Shhh, they sleep in piles.’ I’m like, ‘Dad, they’re breaded.’ ‘That’s their blankie.’