Animal Jokes

“Mommy, all the kids at school say I’m a werewolf! Is that true?” “No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face.”

A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks …

After World War II, an American soldier was going back to London from the front. He was on a very crowded train, and was looking for a seat, but the only empty one was next to an older lady, and she had her pet poodle on it. He said, “Please, …

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of nowhere sat a lonely bartender in an empty bar. As he was getting ready to close down, three ducks walked through the front doors. They waddled on over to the bar and grabbed a stool. The bartender walked over …

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” And he did!! So the straw …

Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a bar. The first pig orders 10 beers, downs them, and then asks for the bathroom. The second pig orders 15 beers, downs them, and asks for the bathroom. The third pig orders 20 beers, downs them, and then sits there …

At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet. The man leans in, “Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?”“I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook.”“Wow,” says the guy. “I can’t believe you’re so …

This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to stay for the night. So he sees this barn up the road and asks the guy if he can stay in his barn for the night. “Sure,” says the farmer, “as long as you promise not to stick your winky …

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can”t stand it anymore. So he decides …

One day little Bill was playing in the sand out of the sun underneath his front steps. Soon his mother walked up the steps without underwear due to the heat of the day and little Bill looked up and yelled out, ”Mother, what’s that black thing that you’re carrying under …