Animal Jokes

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, “I bet it’s some flowers!”“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held …

What did the father buffalo say to the son buffalo when he left for school? Bison!

There was an Indian chief who wanted to show his son the way of the woods. He gets on the ground and hears a noise. “Buffalo come.” “How do you know?” “Ground shaky.” The boy wanted to try. He gets on the ground, listens. “Man come.” “Is there a vibration?” …

Q: Why did God invent armadillos? A: So that rednecks can have ‘possum on the half-shell.

Tarzan is attacked by a lion in the jungle. The animal rips off Tarzan’s arm, eye and penis. His jungle friends help him by giving him the spare parts he needs — the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a d**k.Later, Cheeta …

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?A: Gulp.

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. Cowboy: “Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?” Indian: “Dog no talk.” Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?” Dog: “Doin’ alright.” Indian:( Look …

An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise when he sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying a spool of something metallic under his arm. “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”“Chicken wire.”“What you gonna do with that?”“Gonna catch some chickens.”“You damn fool! You can’t catch chickens with …

Once there was a farmer with three sons. He gave a duck to his eldest son and told him to see how much money he could get for it at the market. The eldest son came back later in the day, shouting “Dad, I got $10 for the duck!”The farmer …

As a single person, I think I can admit, sometimes, pickings can be pretty slim. But really, how much beer would you have to drink before you date out of your own species? Call me old fashioned, but I cling to the belief that ‘human’ is an important dating criteria.