Animal Jokes

Q: How do you stop a skunk from smelling? A: You hold his nose.

A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, …

How did the skunk call home? On his smell-ular phone!

Why couldn’t the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!

What’s the difference between a ska band and a moose? A moose has horns in the front and its a**hole in the back, a ska band has…well…the opposite arrangement.

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor’s …

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. ”Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?” ”Dogs can’t talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I’ll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your …

What do a walrus and tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal!

How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold its trunk until it goes blue and the shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

A farmhand is driving ’round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling — what should I do?” "In …