Animal Jokes

What happened to the blind skunk? He fell in love with a fart.

A reporter goes to the hills of West Virginia to research an article about the area. He meets an old man and asks him about memorable moments in his life.“Well,” says the old man, “one time my favorite sheep got lost. Me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went …

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?A: Lean beef.

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?” “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” …

Little Johnny’s first grade class was playing “Name That Animal.” The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, “What animal is this?”“A cat!” said Suzy.“Good job. Now, what’s this animal?”“A dog!” said Ricky.“Good. Now what animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.The …

Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?” His mother replies, “The stork brings them.” Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, “Then who fucks the stork?”

If I were eight years old, that would be my ultimate fantasy — to have my very own paralyzed dog. ‘Cause, you know, your stuffed animals — they’re cute and fluffy, but they’re not alive.

I saw something cute the other day. I saw this woman pushing a stroller, and in the stroller was a small dog. And I was like, ‘Lucky dog.’ And she’s like, ‘Well, he’s paralyzed.’

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he”s dead.

Q: How do you talk to a fish? A: You drop him a line.