Animal Jokes

A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it. He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to …

Dolphins are intelligent? If they’re so intelligent, get out of the nets.

I got to go to a costume party next week. I’m going to dress up as a bear so I can eat beaver.

Q: What’s dangerous and swings from trees? A: A monkey with a chainsaw.

I was gonna join this fraternity, but they make you do crazy stunts, so I had to swallow five live goldfish to join — and I tried. I swallowed two, and I felt so guilty that I swallowed a pound of pebbles and a little filter and a little man …

You want to understand white folk? Just act white sometimes. I get up in the morning and kiss my dog on the mouth.

Q: Why do baby chicks say, “Cheep, cheep, cheep”? A: They can’t say, “Expensive, expensive, expensive.”

Q: Why did the monkey cross the road?A: So he could get spanked.

Q: Why did the calf cross the road?A: To get to the udder side.

Q: Why did the forgetful chicken cross the road?A: To get to the other side — er, no — to go shopping — no, not that either — damn it.