I have a dog, you know? And I couldn’t even figure out what to name him, so I named him Bill Clinton. That way I could just blame him for stuff, you know? ‘Who knocked over the garbage?’ ‘Bill Clinton.’ ‘Who chewed up my work?’ ‘Oh, Bill Clinton.’ ‘Who soiled …
Přečíst celý »Charging Elephant
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? A: Take away his credit card.
Přečíst celý »Centipede & Parrot
Q: What do you get when you cross a centipide with a parrot? A: A walkie-talkie.
Přečíst celý »Caught and Tagged
An old lady buys a pair of parrots, but she cannot identify their sexes. She spends weeks staring at their cage and eventually, she catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t get them mixed up again, she puts a little white collar around the male parrot’s …
Přečíst celý »Catfish and Lawyers
Q: What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?A: One’s a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger; the other is a fish.
Přečíst celý »Catching Rabbits
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? A: Unique up on it. Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? A: Tame way.
Přečíst celý »Catching a Squirrel
Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
Přečíst celý »Catching a Polar Bear
Q: How do you catch a polar bear? A: You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Přečíst celý »Cat Hospital
Q: Why did the cat go to the hospital? A: To have a CAT scan done.
Přečíst celý »Cash Levy: Wild Stallion
When my last girlfriend wanted to get a little serious, I had to use the old wild stallion technique to get her back in. I said, ‘Baby, I’m like a wild stallion. You try to put a saddle on a wild stallion, he’ll run and he’ll run and run some …
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