Wednesday , January 22 2025
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Children Jokes

Confused Child in Wedding Party

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd. Then he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, roar, step, step, roar, all the way down …

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Mark Curry: No Halloween Costumes

We couldn’t afford no Halloween costumes — eight kids, please! Mama sent us down to the liquor store, put boxes on us. We didn’t know what we were — ‘I don’t know what we are. I don’t know. She didn’t tell us. I think we UPS? I don’t know.’

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Clinton Jackson: Wedding Reception Pictures

They put these one-time use cameras out on the tables. I thought that was a great idea — ’til they got them pictures back, realized only them little bad kids had the cameras. They’re going through hundreds of pictures like, ‘Oh, here’s another one of the cat’s butt.’

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Mark Craig Taylor: Think About the Future

As soon as that baby hits, you get these scary mailings that says stuff like, ‘Congratulations, new dad! Now, what about life insurance, disability, college fund? What if they get sick, Dad? Think of the future, Dad.’ So I did — I got a vasectomy.

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Clinton Jackson: Mind Elsewhere

I wasn’t a bad kid, but I wasn’t a good student, you know what I mean? My mind was just always elsewhere. Even at my high school graduation, I didn’t even hear ’em calling my name ’cause I was too busy playing with the tassel on my hat.

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Mark Craig Taylor: Raising a Good Kid

Babies are neat, but raising a good kid — that deserves a medal. Instead of baby announcements like, ‘We’re proud to announce the arrival of an eight-pound boy,’ wait 20 years ’til you’re really proud to announce, ‘Our 180-pound boy is finally out of the house. He’s drug-free, HIV-negative, and …

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Mark Craig Taylor: From Lovers to Teammates

Once that baby hits, you go from being lovers to teammates. It’s like, ‘Feed her. Pass her. Burp her. Pass her. Clean her. Pass her. Diaper. Pass her.’ At the end of the night, we’re too tired for sex. We just fall into bed and high five: ‘Way to burp …

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