Children Jokes

A little girl at a wedding asked, “Mommy, why do brides always wear white?” “Because they’re happy,” the mom replied.

A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them, she said, ”I can hear voices!” Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, ”Jeez, she …

What I want to do is marry a white woman, never tell her that I’m black. And then when the baby comes out, accuse her of being a whore.

I told my kids, ‘Look, you guys, if someone comes up to you at school and says, “Is your mom gay?” Look them square in the face and go, “Why? Does your mom want to date her?”‘

I was a senior in high school, and some friends of mine and I were driving over to Birmingham, Alabama, about an hour away. We were taking the big road trip over ’cause we wanted to go see KISS in concert — what white trash story does not start out …

I saw this little girl — she had sweatpants on that had the word ‘Juicy’ written across her ass, like, right across her ass. She was, like, seven years old, walking with her father. I think any father that allows their seven-year-old daughter to wear sweatpants with the word ‘Juicy’ …

If you’ve ever noticed — paid attention in any Amber Alert — you might have noticed they only kidnap the little angel in the family that everybody loves and misses. Why don’t we ever hear about them kidnapping badass children? I think people don’t report those Amber Alerts.

I know there are a lot of wonderful adopted children, but they’re not on the Jerry Springer show, OK? And that’s the show that I watch.

I got my driver’s license when I was 16. And the day I got it, I was driving my car through a parking lot — I hit a parked car. Normally when you do that, you’re supposed to put a note on the car that says, ‘Whoops, sorry.’ But my …

A little kid goes to his first movie alone. He buys one ticket and goes in.A minute later, he comes back out to buy another ticket. The man at the counter asks, “Why do you want another one?”The kid replies, “Because that man over there ripped the first one in …