Children Jokes

We need to just understand saying ‘I love you’ to your mom and dad because you only get one mom — and two or three dads.

I was such a mean little kid. I was like, ‘Dad, you know what? You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not even my real father.’ He’s like, ‘Watch your mouth, boy. I still got the receipt.’

We were watching this commercial on television. Commercial said, ‘If you’re having problems with your mama whipping you, call this 800 number.’ I called that number. My mama answered the phone.

They adopted a bunch of us. There’s a bunch of adopted kids. It’s like they were collecting us or something, like Star Wars figures. They bought us in twos. It sucked for my brother ’cause they kept him in the box. They had to: he came with the helmet and …

My mama was so cheap, she waited ’til after Christmas. ‘Baby, Santa Claus missed our house. I called him, and he coming back tomorrow.’ She was waiting for the stuff to go on sale.

A little girl got on her grandpa’s lap and said, “Did God make me?” “Yes,” the grandpa replied. “Did God make you too?” “Yes,” the grandpa said. “Well,” the little girl said, looking at his wrinkles and thinning hair. “He sure is doing a better job nowadays!”

I’m selling these hand puppets, and its Christmas time, and I’m doing little voices for the kids and whatnot. And the kids want five of these little hand puppets, so the mother comes over, and she says, ‘OK, all right, we’ll take five of the hand puppets.’ So I’m putting …

Q: What did the farmer use to make crop circles? A: A Protractor

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a …

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”