Children Jokes

We had a daughter not that long ago, a little baby daughter named Sophia. We’re nowhere near mature enough to be parents. I’m positive of that. After her first feeding, she passed out, so we wrote on her.

I remember when I was a little kid, I’d never kissed a girl before. I was probably, like, 26 years old.

Whenever I get down to my last $3, I’d always head to the nearest 7-11 — the white trash casino — and I’d buy a 40-ounce of beer and a lottery scratch ticket. I would drink the beer, and I’d scratch the ticket And it’d always be some game with …

Any kid that has any problem now, they just shove pills down their mouth. Like, every kid 17 years old, ‘Oh, we got him on Prozac.’ What does a 17-year-old need Prozac for to get through life? When I was 17, my dad’s version of anti-depressants would be to, like, …

I ain’t a black dude. I ain’t a brotha — not the ones that y’all is used to. I grew up rich. Both of my parents were doctors; we were loaded. I don’t know nothin’ about the struggle. I ain’t never had to keep it real. I ain’t never had …

Q: Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? A: He wanted to see time fly.

Q: What’s the difference between a trampoline and a zombie baby? A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

I have a little nephew. He’s two-and-a-half, and he just learned to say those three words, ‘I love you.’ And he’s saying it to everybody now. My sister was like, ‘He doesn’t understand what it means. He’s saying it because he thinks he can get something.’ I said, ‘Oh, I …

I came of age during the sexual revolution, so I’ve had to totally de-slutize myself for the 90s.

A mom, dad and their two sons watch TV. The dad gives the mom a look, and they head upstairs. The two little boys wonder what they are doing and go upstairs to take a peek.“Well,” says the older boy, “remember this when mom gets on your case for sucking …