Dirty Jokes

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine’s Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad’s lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I really …

Q: What’s the difference between a urethra and a garden hose? A: Well, let me tell you, there’s a vas deferens…

Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget?A: Wow! Your hair smells good!

How can you tell if you have an underbite? You’re eating p***y and it tastes like s**t!

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him, ”I screwed your mom last night!” Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him. Again, he hears, ”Your mom was good in bed last night!” Again, he tries to ignore it. The man …

Being paranoid will save your life — ’cause that’s the difference between hooking up with the first thing you see, or saying, ‘Hey, that may not be a beauty mark on your lip. And, if it is, it looks like you’ve got another one coming in.’

One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door. When he opens the door, there stands a bum who asks, “Can I have a toothpick?”The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar. Five minutes later, he hears …

At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, “We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement.”Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters’ …

Two old ladies are at the movies. “Psst,” says one old lady. “I think the guy next to me is beating off.” “What makes you say that?” “He’s using my hand.”

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales. The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar …