Dirty Jokes

Every man in here knows the average vagina only stays ready for 30 minutes. After a while, you’re not making love, you’re making a campfire.

Sex with me is like a race: we both start at the same time; whoever gets to the promised land first is the winner.

A father has three daughters who are all getting married on the same day. He asks his oldest daughter, ”Whom do you wish to marry? She says, ”Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.” He walks over to his second daughter and asks her …

Dr. Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he’d hear an internal voice that said, “Dave, don’t worry …

I remember one point, this older gentleman asked me for some prophylactics, and at that time, my sexual vocabulary wasn’t that great, you know. So, I’m checking my word bank for the closest thing I have to ‘prophylactics.’ Closest thing I got — ‘pterodactyls.’ I was all confused. I was …

Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.

It’s 1957, and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue’s father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they’re planning to do on the date. Bobbytells him that they’ll probably go to the malt shop or a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue’s father …

Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can’t make a fist.

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time. The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, “I had tolio as a child.” The wife asks if he means polio. He says, “No, it only affects the toes.” He removes his …

Q: What is long, hard and stiff, is used inside a warm, wet place, and gets moved back and forth for the best effect? A: A toothbrush.