Dirty Jokes

Three penises were talking to each other, and the first penis said, “I like my master; he lets me look outside.” The second penis said, “I like my master; he plays with me.” The third penis said, “I hate my master; he puts me in a rubber suit and pushes …

A young woman goes to her doctor and finds out that she is pregnant. She says, “I can’t be! The only men I’ve been around are nudists from my colony, and we only practice sex with our eyes.” The doctor replies, “Someone in that colony must be cockeyed.”

Pamela Anderson has hepatitis C and is surprised about it. I don’t know what you expect when your definition of safe sex was remembering to always wear a backstage pass.

An old couple prepares to go to sleep. The man gets in bed, but the woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, “Why are you on the floor?”

To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one …

You’re the hottest thing since fire. I know it’s not saying much because we discovered it yesterday but still.

I think I just evolved into Homo Erectus.

You like clubbing? Really? Hey, look over there!

If I said you had a pronounced sloping brow, would you hold it against me?

Lions sleep 85% of their day, have sex up to 55 times a day. That’s what we should be shooting for. I would love to get that much sleep.